Behind the meltdown: Calmer ways to support your child’s big feelings

Picture this: you’re in the supermarket, your child spots their favourite cereal, and suddenly you’re trying to help them out of a meltdown. Inside you’re feeling torn between wanting to comfort your child and wishing the ground would swallow you up.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Every parent and carer has been there, caught between love and frustration or awkwardness, knowing their child is struggling but unsure how to respond in the moment. 

The good news? With a shift in perspective and some practical tools for the tough times, you can support your child (and yourself) through those big feelings with more calm and confidence.

Why meltdowns happen

Meltdowns are often judged as bad behaviour. However, meltdowns are actually a sign that your child is experiencing overwhelm.

Children’s brains are still developing, especially the areas that help with emotional regulation and impulse control. When big feelings hit, like frustration, sensory overload, tiredness, or anxiety, the emotional brain takes over. What looks like defiance is often a child being flooded with feelings they can’t manage on their own.

Understanding this doesn’t mean we excuse every behaviour, but it does shift how we respond. Instead of reacting with punishment or frustration, we can see the meltdown as a signal that a child needs help to feel safe and understood.

Why our reactions as parents and carers matter

Let’s be honest: meltdowns can trigger big feelings (or even meltdowns) in us too.

Parents often describe feeling embarrassed in public, helpless at home, or guilty afterwards for “losing it”. 

These reactions are so human. Our nervous systems mirror our child’s stress. 

But when both parent and child are in fight-or-flight mode, the situation escalates.

Here’s the hopeful part: children look to us to regulate. When we can take a breath, ground ourselves, and respond calmly, we’re not only defusing the current storm but also teaching our child essential skills for emotional regulation.

A calmer way forward: connection over correction

One of the most powerful shifts parents can make is moving from correction (“stop that, calm down”) to connection (“I see you’re upset, I’m here with you”).

Connection isn’t about giving in to every demand. It’s about showing your child you understand their feelings, even when you can’t change the outcome. 

For example:

Instead of: “Stop crying, it’s just cereal”...try: “I can see how much you wanted that cereal. It’s hard when we can’t have what we want.”.

This approach validates their experience while still holding boundaries. Over time, your child learns that their feelings are safe with you, and they can move through them with support.

Practical strategies for navigating child meltdowns

How Behind the Meltdown can help

It is possible to learn new ways to respond in the heat of the moment. While it takes practice and support, you can learn how to turn towards your child in moments of overwhelm and meet them where they’re at with calm confidence. 

Not sure where to start?

Our online workshop, Behind the Meltdown: Tools for Calm Connection and Confidence is here to help you to:

• Understand what’s really happening in your child’s brain and body during big behaviours.

• Learn practical, research-backed tools to respond with calm and confidence.

• Explore real-life examples and strategies you can apply straight away.

  
  

You’ll also have the option of a personalised Mapping the Meltdown session, with experienced Play Therapist Evonne Jones, where we walk through your child’s specific triggers and create a confidence plan tailored to your family’s daily life.

You don’t have to do this alone

Parenting will always come with moments of chaos, but with the right tools, these moments bring growth and connection.

The next time you face a meltdown, remember: it’s not about being a perfect parent. It’s about being present, calm enough to guide your child through, and willing to learn alongside them.

With practice, and support and strategies like Beyond the Meltdown, you can turn even the toughest moments into stepping stones toward a calmer, more connected relationship with your child.

Ready to bring more calm and confidence into your parenting? Explore Behind the Meltdown here.

FInd our full range of online workshops for parents and carers here.