Why is my child having meltdowns?

Is your child experiencing frequent meltdowns, emotional outbursts, or struggling to settle? Please know that you’re not alone. 

Many parents feel exhausted and overwhelmed trying to support a child who seems to go from calm to chaos in an instant. It can be especially challenging when traditional parenting strategies, like reasoning, time-outs, or rewards, don’t seem to work.

The truth is, all behaviour (including dysregulated behaviour) tells us something - it’s a form of communication. Dysregulation is a sign that your child’s nervous system is overwhelmed and struggling to cope. 

When we shift our focus from “How do I stop this behaviour?” to “What is my child’s behaviour telling me?” we can begin to understand their needs, and help them feel safer and better able to manage their emotions.

From meltdowns to shutdowns - what does dysregulation look like?

Learn why children can experience meltdowns or shut down and what to do about it.

Dysregulation doesn’t always look like crying, screaming, or hitting. While some children express distress loudly, others may:

• Become restless, fidgety, or hyperactive

• Withdraw, shut down, or become non-responsive

• Avoid eye contact or refuse to speak

• Display repetitive behaviours, like rocking or hand-flapping

• Resist transitions or struggle with unexpected changes.

No matter how it shows up, dysregulation is not a conscious choice to be ‘naughty’ or to make your day harder. It’s a sign that a child’s nervous system is in a state of fight, flight, freeze, or fawn - trying to protect them from something that feels overwhelming or threatening.

So, what causes dysregulation?

Let’s explore some of the common reasons children struggle with emotional balance.

1. Physical needs

When a child is dysregulated, the first place to check is their basic physical needs. The body and brain are deeply connected, and children who are:

• Tired or not getting enough restful sleep

• Hungry or thirsty

• Feeling unwell or in pain

• Lacking movement or outdoor time

… may struggle to manage their emotions.

Think about how you feel when you’re running on little sleep, haven’t had a proper meal, or are feeling under the weather. It’s harder to stay patient, make decisions, or manage stress. Children are no different, but they also may not yet have the self-awareness or language to express what’s wrong.

What helps?

• Create a predictable routine around meals, sleep, and movement

• Offer snacks regularly, especially protein and healthy fats to balance blood sugar

• Prioritise movement - for some children, big emotions need to be physically released before they can settle.

2. Sensory needs

Many children, especially those who are neurodivergent or highly sensitive to their environment, experience sensory processing challenges. This means their brains process sensory input (like noise, light, texture, or movement) differently.

Some children seek more sensory input, and may:

• Jump, spin, climb, or crash into things

• Enjoy strong textures, bright lights, or loud sounds

• Constantly touch or put things in their mouth.

Other children are overwhelmed by sensory input and may:

• Cover their ears or eyes

• Avoid certain textures or fabrics

• Become distressed in busy, noisy, or unpredictable environments.

If your child seems dysregulated in certain settings (like school, shopping centres, or busy social events) they may be experiencing sensory overload.

What helps?

• Notice patterns: Does your child struggle in loud places? Hate certain fabrics? Thrive when moving their body?

• Offer sensory support: Some children benefit from noise-cancelling headphones, weighted blankets, fidget toys, or quiet spaces.

• Respect their sensory needs: If your child finds certain situations overwhelming, allow breaks, movement, or alternative ways to participate.

3. Emotional and relational needs

Children don’t learn to regulate their emotions on their own. They need safe, attuned and supportive adults to guide them.

Stress, anxiety, uncertainty, or even exciting changes can make regulation harder. 

If a child is experiencing:

• Big transitions (starting school, moving house, the addition of a new sibling)

• Social struggles (bullying, exclusion, or friendship changes)

• Family stress (conflict, separation, or parental overwhelm)

• Past trauma or unpredictability in their environment

  
  

… their nervous system may be in a heightened state of alert, making it harder to settle, focus, or engage.

What helps?

• Co-regulation: Instead of expecting a child to calm down alone, sit with them, offer a calm presence, and model regulation through deep breathing, slow movements, and a soothing voice.

• Validate their feelings: Instead of “You’re fine”, try: “I can see you’re feeling really frustrated right now. I’m here with you”.

• Reduce pressure: When a child is overwhelmed, trying to talk them out of their feelings or force problem-solving can increase distress. Instead, focus on making them feel safe and supported.

All behaviour is communication

At Play Therapy with Evonne, we understand that all behaviour is communication. A child who is dysregulated isn’t “acting out” or trying to be difficult, they’re struggling to cope with something they can’t yet put into words.

Instead of focusing on stopping the behaviour, we help children express their needs in safe, healthy ways through:

 🎨 Play and creative expression: Using art, storytelling, and toys to explore emotions 

🚶‍♂️ Movement and sensory play: Helping the body release stress and self-regulate 

🗣️ Emotional support and regulation strategies: Teaching children how to understand and manage big feelings.

If your child is struggling with dysregulation, we’re here to help.

You don’t have to navigate this alone. 

We offer Play Therapy and Parent Coaching and support, to help children build emotional regulation skills in a safe, nurturing environment.

📞 Reach out to us at 0413 028 173 or info@playtherapywithevonne.com